The Accidental Audition
Characters:
* Beatrice: A high-strung, over-enthusiastic drama teacher.
* Roger: A shy, awkward musician.
* Brenda: A sassy, gossipy housewife.
* Malcolm: A grumpy, retired accountant.
* Fiona: A bubbly, optimistic college student.
* Gary: A clueless, good-natured bus driver.
Setting:
A small community center, filled with mismatched chairs and a rickety stage.
Scene 1:
(Beatrice paces nervously across the stage, clutching a worn script.)
Beatrice: (to herself) Alright, Beatrice, calm down. This is just a simple audition for a community theatre production. What could possibly go wrong?
(A timid Roger enters, clutching a guitar case.)
Roger: Uh, hello? I'm Roger, I'm here for the… the…
Beatrice: (beaming) Ah, Roger! Welcome! You must be our musical prodigy. Let's see, the script calls for a "haunting melody" to accompany the tragic scene…
(Roger's eyes widen)
Roger: Tragic? I'm… I'm not very good at tragic. Maybe something… more upbeat?
Beatrice: (firmly) No, Roger, this calls for the full weight of emotional turmoil! Now, let's see what you've got.
(Roger nervously opens his guitar case, revealing a ukulele.)
Roger: I, uh… I mostly play ukulele.
(Beatrice stares at him, aghast. Brenda enters, gossiping loudly on her phone.)
Brenda: You won't believe what I saw at the supermarket! Mrs. Smith's cat was wearing a tiny little hat, and…
(Brenda notices Beatrice and Roger. She leans in, lowering her voice.)
Brenda: What's going on here? Is this… an audition? I've always wanted to be an actress!
Beatrice: (glancing at Roger, then back to Brenda) Oh, well, it's certainly not a bad time to… uh… express your dramatic side. Go ahead, Brenda, give us your best "tragic scene."
Brenda: (puffing out her chest) Tragic? I've got tragic! (She dramatically clutches her chest) My husband left me for a younger woman! He said I was too… too…
Beatrice: (interrupting) Too what? What did he say?
Brenda: (whispering) He said I was too… too… loud. And I couldn't even leave the house without my hairspray!
(Malcolm enters, grumbling and shuffling his feet. He notices the audition in progress)
Malcolm: What in the world is going on here? I just came for my weekly knitting club, and I'm already overwhelmed by this… this… showbiz cacophony!
Beatrice: (trying to maintain control) Malcolm! You're just in time! We need a strong male lead for our production.
Malcolm: Male lead? I haven't even finished knitting my scarf.
Beatrice: (nervously) Just one scene, Malcolm! And you'd be perfect for it. The role calls for someone… grumpy. And… a bit stubborn.
Malcolm: (grumbling) Well, they got that part right.
Beatrice: (exuberantly) Excellent! Now, Fiona, where are you? We need someone bubbly to provide the lighthearted contrast!
(A bubbly Fiona enters, carrying a bright pink bag)
Fiona: (smiling brightly) Hey everyone! Did I miss something fun?
Beatrice: (relieved) Fiona, you're a lifesaver! This is perfect. Now, let's see what we've got…
(Gary enters, looking lost and confused. He wears a bus driver uniform.)
Gary: Excuse me, is this the… the… community… something-or-other?
Beatrice: (sighing) This is the community center, Gary. You’re in the right place. Are you here for the knitting club, too?
Gary: Knitting club? No, I… I was supposed to drive Mrs. Smith to the… the…
(Brenda gasps)
Brenda: Mrs. Smith! The cat with the little hat!
Gary: That's her! And… and… I was supposed to bring her… wait, I forgot what it was!
Beatrice: (facepalming) Well, this is just what we needed! A completely random character with no lines!
Brenda: (whispering) Maybe he could be the villain?
Beatrice: (exasperated) No, Brenda! We don't need a villain! This is all just… a little… too much!
(The scene ends with Beatrice collapsing on the stage, overwhelmed by the chaos around her. The other characters stare at her with a mixture of confusion and amusement.)
End of Scene 1
(To be continued…)