* Nod their head and say "uh-huh" or "right" at intervals, but not really processing the information.
* Look at the speaker but their eyes are glazed over, or they seem distracted.
* Interrupt with irrelevant comments or change the subject.
* Think about something else entirely.
Why do people pretend listen?
There are various reasons why someone might pretend listen:
* Disinterest: They simply aren't interested in what the other person has to say.
* Distraction: They are preoccupied with something else, like their phone or their own thoughts.
* Lack of empathy: They are not able to connect with the speaker emotionally.
* Being polite: They might feel obligated to pretend to listen even if they are not engaged.
* Defensiveness: They might be afraid of what the speaker is going to say, so they avoid truly listening.
The impact of pretend listening:
Pretend listening can be hurtful and damaging to relationships. It:
* Makes the speaker feel unimportant and unheard.
* Can lead to misunderstandings and conflict.
* Damages trust and intimacy.
How to avoid pretend listening:
* Be present: Make eye contact with the speaker and focus on what they are saying.
* Ask questions: Show that you are interested by asking follow-up questions.
* Summarize: Repeat back what the speaker has said to demonstrate that you understand.
* Be empathetic: Try to see things from the speaker's perspective.
* Be honest: If you are truly not interested or distracted, politely excuse yourself.
By being a truly attentive listener, you can build stronger relationships and communicate more effectively.