What's missing:
* Clarity: The sentence doesn't clearly explain *how* students should study. It mentions "study nightly" but lacks specifics.
* Encouragement: While the sentence mentions "encourage," it doesn't provide any concrete ways to do so.
* Completeness: The sentence ends abruptly with "read fun and?" It needs a clear conclusion.
Possible improvements:
Here are a few ways to rewrite the excerpt, making it more impactful:
Option 1 (Focused on nightly study):
> "We must make sure students tenaciously strive to do well in school. Encourage them to study nightly, reviewing their lessons, practicing skills, and reading engaging materials that reinforce their learning."
Option 2 (Focusing on fun learning):
> "We must make sure students tenaciously strive to do well in school. Encourage them to approach learning with enthusiasm, making it fun by exploring different learning styles, engaging with interactive resources, and finding joy in discovering new knowledge."
Option 3 (More general):
> "We must empower students to achieve their full potential in school. Let's encourage them to work diligently, to embrace challenges, and to find joy in the pursuit of knowledge. We must create an environment where they feel supported and inspired to learn."
Key points to remember when writing for a general audience:
* Be clear and concise: Avoid jargon or overly complex language.
* Use strong verbs: Words like "strive," "empower," and "encourage" add impact.
* Appeal to emotions: Connect with the audience on a personal level by highlighting the importance of education and its impact on students' futures.
* Provide concrete examples: Give specific suggestions that people can easily understand and implement.
Remember, the goal is to inspire and motivate your audience to support students' success in school.